I heard an expression this week that might be one of the best I’ve heard in a long time: the “tyranny of positivity”.
http://www.richroll.com/podcast/susan-david-356/
I laughed out loud and breathed a huge sigh of relief when I heard it. “YES, thank YOU!” I literally said out loud as I ran along.
Travel in certain circles (generally, privileged, well-off circles) these days and you start to feel like you are being beat over the head repeatedly with a few messages: be true to you, embrace your trauma and let it guide you, find what makes you happy and chase it, be open to the world around you and all the opportunities it presents. These are fantastic messages, however, the kicker is is that you are supposed to do all of this while being happy and bright and shiny. Lord help us if you do it with a dash of cynicism, frustration, or melancholy. Don’t you dare feel sadness over things that have happened or, even worse, anger. No, you best just jump from joyous lily pad to enlightened lily pad without a speck of disdain or concern.
This, my friends, is not real life. Nor, might I dare to argue, is it healthy life.
I loved what Susan David had to say. Essentially, and of course, there are NO bad emotions. You are supposed to feel a spectrum of emotions. This is healthy. This is fantastic. This should be wallowed in and embraced. If your 5 year old is melting down because her doll is too doll-like, that is OK. Hug her, hold her, hear her out. Please do not immediately redirect her and teach her that sadness is something to fear or quickly bounce away from. How about teaching her to actually feel it and then maybe talk about it, explore it, and perhaps then might she learn how to overcome it. If your office mate is a little subdued today, that’s ok, that is OK. There is no need to try to pump them up or overcompensate or judge or begrudge. Just let them be. Give them space. Emotions, feeling, moods; these are all transient things. If you let them, they will pass, both the good ones and the bad. That is what makes this life rich and what makes us human. If Mother Nature has decided today is going to grey and foggy and wet, well so be it. It makes for great quiet contemplation. You can’t change the weather and a spectrum of weather is necessary for abundance. It won’t be grey every day.
Believe me, I am an emotion sponge, I often think it would be way easier if everyone just simmered down, evened out and quit being so damn up or so bloody down. I suck it all in and it is exhausting for Pete’s sake. (Thank you world for the olympics and those freaking mom commercials being over with!) But of course, I don’t mean it, because often what precedes the exhaustion is exhilaration. Feeling, no matter what the feeling, is what it is all about. Don’t be so quick to judge good vs bad.
More excellent things to ponder:
https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage
Also:
http://www.richroll.com/podcast/light-watkins-357/
I really recommend watching this podcast, not just listening. This is of a different topic but I LOVE the idea he shares that our “minds” are just speakers for what is going on in our “bodies”.
And, if we are keeping it simple, in the words of one of my favourite Toves …
“i’m borderline happy and i’m borderline bad. i’m borderline good and i’m borderline bad”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ElPmKz6AB0
Cheers, bitches 😉