On sitting up from Savasana I opened my eyes and saw outside. The mist was blowing up the mountain, the rain, light but dense, was falling the opposite way, down. Trees were swaying in the wind. The yellow tree had one side full and one side with all leaves lost. Hummingbirds were swirling around the feeders but not landing. I knew if I were to turn on the TV it would report a virus walking over countries, weather phenomena, and humans talking at each other trying to control the uncontrollable. There was somehow an elastic hanging off our crown molding.
The word came to mind again: Chaos. It had first come to mind a week ago, on this same mat. And since then I had been thinking about it. Thinking about me in it. Wondering if I could exist in it. Or do more than exist, thrive.
CHAOS: A state of total confusion with no order.
OR
CHAOS: Behavior so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions.
Before I was thinking about chaos I was thinking about another word, another want really. Vibrancy.
VIBRANCY: The quality of being bright and strong.
OR
VIBRANCY: The state of being full of energy and life.
As I sat longer with the wash of movement and contemplation still settling over me, I had another thought: could the vibrancy I seek already be here in the chaos?
What could be more full of energy and life than confusion and disorder? What could be more strong than unpredictable behaviour in response to small changes in conditions? What is more bright, fun and full of life than the unpredictable, the random, the changing?
How delicious. How sumptuous.
Chaos or vibrancy? You decide.