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Forget loving yourself, go into battle.

Following along our Valentine’s theme here, this was an excellent podcast:

Stan Tatkin: Love, Danger, Deviance and Conflict.

Relationships can be tough, whether it be with a spouse or a kid or a family member or a work colleague, you name it.  We’re all familiar with the common platitude that you “must love yourself before you love anyone else”.  And yes, I suppose there is some truth to that.  But there is so much more too.

Many IG accounts (mine most likely included, shit!) would have you believe that you need to aspire to some heightened state of zen and self insight to be eternally happy and successful in this place.  If you are unhappy, turn inwards and contemplate.  If you are struggling, sit quietly and rest.  If you want the ultimate health, work on your this and that and consume this potion NOW!  Of course, at times, this is all absolutely true and needed.  But, it’s a fine balance between being “good to yourself” and seeking inner expansion and becoming a bit of a self-centered asshole.  (To be clear, I’ve not mastered this balance at all.  So I’m learning right along with everyone else on this one too.  Namaste.  LOL)

I loved what this podcast had to say about relationships that work.

I have many relationships in my life but two of my most important are with my husband and my “work wife”.  I can say with absolute certainty that what makes these two partnerships work is the struggle.  Yes, the struggle.  The struggle is, indeed, real.  And at times, the struggle really is a solid pain in the ass.  However, every time a challenge presents, whether it’s something we chose and invited or whether it’s something that blindsided us and momentarily knocked us flat, we thrive.  We kick into gear and make it through.  As life would have it, this is a pattern that repeats.  At times it is tempting to complain about this repetition but listening to the chat above clued me into it’s value.  Because, unbeknownst to us, each time we’ve made it to the other side of these battles, we’ve laid bricks on top of the foundation and told our brains that yes, this partnership is strong, it is lasting, you can trust it.  Trust is a big deal.  It’s a monumental deal for me.

One might think that well, that sounds boring.  Here you are, just plodding through life, tackling “struggles” and such. How can that be more exciting than being out hiking rainbow laced trails in countries you’ve never explored while sipping fairy dusted earth potions?  Well, let me tell you.  When you fully trust a partner, when you’ve created synapses in your brain over and over again that fire and tell you there is nothing that can stop you two, then things get really bloody exciting.  You can dare to do things that others wouldn’t.  You can really push each other to actually be better, not just for yourself.  You can dare to let yourself go, I mean, really go.  It feels electric.  Exciting.  New. Wild.

So have a listen to this and see what you think.  Then put your head to thinking who in your life do you want to go deeper with?  And go grab them, get into battle with them, repeat a few more times, and then watch those sparks fly!  Yowzaas!

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A little much on Valentine’s Day

” … So I guess I’ll go home
Into the arms of the girl that I love
The only love I haven’t screwed up
She’s so hard to please
But she’s a forest fire
I do my best to meet her demands
Play at romance, we slow dance
In the living room, but all that a stranger would see
Is one girl swaying alone
Stroking her cheek
They say, “You’re a little much for me
You’re a liability
You’re a little much for me”
So they pull back, make other plans
I understand, I’m a liability …”
~ Lorde
I think, we all have people we are amongst each day that are “a little much” in one way or another.
I think, that most of us hold back a part of us that we worry is “a little much” for the rest of the world to bear or witness.
I wonder what would happen if we were to soften and welcome each other’s “a little much” and consider that it is part of their soul and fire?  Consider where it comes from and why it exists and understand that, if freed, it can be used to do amazing things.
I wonder what we could accomplish and how we could feel if we fully stopped holding back each of our own “a little much’s”?
As we dance into Valentine’s Day, let’s change our perspective and try seeing that “a little much” as the most amazing part of your partner or child or friend or just that stranger in line with you or, gasp, of yourself.
There are so many things that I am “a little much” about, my husband could write a book, a long book.  But instead, he embraces and loves and jumps enthusiastically on for the ride.  This is so rare and so cherished and I have no idea what I’ve done to deserve it.  Thank you Scott.  I love you.  Sorry peeps, if that’s a little much 😉
xo
J
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From my mat to yours … A few of my favourite things.

There are few things, only a few, that I use daily that I think are truly outstanding.  I’ve talked about most of them before but I thought I’d give a little recap here.  They are sort of in order of appearance as the day evolves.  I’ve shared most of them with others and those who are like me love them as much as I do.  Enjoy.

1. Foursigmatic Mushroom Coffee – less caffeine, more adaptogens, same wake up!  I’ve never been a good breakfast eater.  My mom agonized for years as I continually shunned eating before any early morning sporting endeavour.  Interestingly I  then got older and then proceeded to also chastise my dad for years as he’d wait until way late in the day to eat.

Here we sit in 2018 … Et voila! … All of a sudden all the cool kids are skipping breakfast as part of various fasting trends haha.  In all seriousness, for me, there’s a period in the morning that I can be very effective both mentally and physically if I just stick to a little coffee or tea and carry on.  Granted, I dig into some mean leftovers at lunch usually.

https://us.foursigmatic.com/collections/mushroom-coffee

2. Living Tea Seasonal Tea Club  OR White Pu-erh tea from Silk Road

Check this out: it is SO MUCH JOY when it arrives every few months!

https://www.livingtea.net/products/subscription

If you are worried that swapping tea for coffee won’t leave you as pumped up, fear not with this bad boy:

http://silkroadteastore.com/shop/tea-cake-pu-erh-white/dp/2537

3. Danielle Laporte Desire Map Planner – my attempt at doing a touch of journalling and focusing my day before heading out the door and falling victim to everyone else’s plans for me.

http://www.daniellelaporte.com/2018-desire-map-planner-collection/

4. May Lindstrom – it seems ridiculously expensive yes, but it will last forever!!!  And you will be amazed.

This quickly before morning yoga or run:

The Youth Dew

This after said exercise:

The Blue Cocoon

Both dreamy, sensual ways to love yourself a little.  If you just try one thing … make it the Blue Cocoon.  I also love the Problem Solver mask.

5. Insight Timer – in a world where sleep was plentiful I’d get up early enough to do this every day, until then, I do the best I can.  You can get swallowed up looking for meditations to try, these are my go tos:

https://insighttimer.com/giovanni/guided-meditations/guided-i-am-meditation

https://insighttimer.com/andyhobson/guided-meditations/mountain-meditation

https://insighttimer.com/welcomeearth/guided-meditations/kundalini-gong-breath-meditation

6. Down Dog Yoga App – just get it and try it!!!  I really recommend wireless headphones when you do.  I use ones by Monster Achieve.  I’ve been doing this App for a year or more and I still can get sore sometimes as it works ya good!

https://www.downdogapp.com