“I think that I have imbued in my children, from a very young age, a sense of confidence in their own abilities. That is the only way I can explain how they have all managed to survive the turbulent circumstances of their childhood without irreparable trauma. I was an optimist, always believing they would adjust to the world around them and appreciate it in their own way. I tried to be sincere, to never underestimate their intelligence, to trust that one day they would have the wisdom to understand the complicated circumstances of our lives. I firmly believed they would develop the ability to be happy and that they wouldn’t think their happiness depended solely on me. Otherwise, I would have never considered motherhood compatible with the kind of life I led. ” ~ Gioconda Belli
For some reason, this paragraph struck me.
“I would have never considered motherhood compatible with the kind of life I led” ….
I have many a time wondered, if I am compatible with motherhood. I do not consider myself a “natural”. Big heart, yes. Maternal at times, yes. But never have I sat on the floor and played amongst toys with my girls. I roll my eyes and whine over school projects we have to do. I don’t relish the thought of coming up with this year’s Hallowe’en costume. I forgot to get baskets at Easter this year. Never have we hosted a birthday party. My job leads me to miss bedtimes and breakfasts and parent teacher interviews.
These misgivings can plague my woman mind at times. How are their tiny minds being twisted? Then I look at them and I see the amazing creatures that they are. Somehow they have become mini reflections of all the good I think I have in me and none of the bad. They are five and eight and can execute sharp sarcasm like few I know (ahem, yes, I consider this “good”!). They know what it is to be kind, they are learning how to respect things and places and people, they are exquisitely curious, they cherish hugs and give them with sincerity. There is always song. There is an earnest effort in all endeavours. There is no hate.
Frankly, the gem of the man I married is probably mostly to thank for this, but at least I haven’t screwed his efforts up. Motherhood can cause you to reflect on and question your every move like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It is petrifying but also exhilarating. If you’ve not yet tried it, considered yourself warned. If you’re in it, trust me, you’re doing it right.