The other two left and went off into the woods, dancing and howling, and who knows where they would end up. The track skipped to Famous Blue Rain Coat and they both stared ahead into the warm, moonlit night. There was silence, a deep silence. Rose drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head back against the wood panels of the house. She became mesmerized by the fireflies, trying to guess where they’d pop up next after they flashed their light and then went dark. One of the cats jumped off the porch and wandered into the garden. After some amount of time she heard:
“I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life.”
“What?” she asked, still gazing forward to the show being played out in the dark in front of her.
Silence.
She rolled her head to the right where he sat beside her. He didn’t turn his head, but as he noticed her do so, whispered, “You.”
“Oh.” She said and let out a long exhale. “Shit.”
“Yeah.”
They both looked forward again for another lapse of time, the tracks flipped on and on. The music rose into the night air, the fauna moved about unseen, petals folded in for the night, and the moon just hung there, witnessing it all.
She slowly took her gaze to the right again and this time saw the tear rolling slowly down the contours of his cheek. He was looking far out into the night as if in another place entirely. Her chest cracked wide open, heart hovering inside, motionless, paralyzed in its decision about whether to leap or run to the woods. Instinctively, she went to place her hand gently on his leg. Before it even landed, without taking his eyes off the void of night ahead, he took it in his and stood up. He grabbed his sweatshirt off the table and tucked it under the arm that held her hand. He then took the blankets off the porch chair, turned the music off and grabbed his keys. Unable to speak, legs no longer under her control, she followed.
They got into his car and drove half way down his driveway then made a sharp left onto a narrow dirt road. Nothing was said. The tires crunched on the gravel and the dust rose into the air beside them as they drove. Rabbits darted to and fro on the side of the road and various insects danced in the beams of the headlights. Somewhere between ten minutes and ten years later, the road and woods abruptly opened up into a clearing and a lake stretched before them. Its full expanse couldn’t be seen as it disappeared into the dark horizon of the night in front of them. The moon was still there observing and perfectly reflected a lit path from the front of the car into the water’s depths.
Will got out, put the blankets and sweatshirt on the sand, threw off his shoes and shirt and waded into the water silently. As he entered, the water he disrupted turned the moon’s path awry but as he dove under, over and over again, it eased back to where it started, pointing back towards the car.
Yesterday, hell two hours ago, Rose was certain that all was as it should be in her life. She had a beautiful family, she was utterly satisfied and content, and she had stumbled onto a friendship that filled her soul to its depth. She felt in complete peace. She did not see this coming. She didn’t even know what this was. Her mind was alight, her thoughts ran forwards and back, she had no control, and no time to gain it. The discomfort exquisite. She stood there in the dark, looking into the dark, and was furious. So, she walked to the water’s edge, pulled her dress over her head and got in.
It was freezing but she ducked her head underneath right away. And then she did so again and again. Her heart rate started to settle. It was so quiet and dark under the surface, she opened her eyes and saw absolutely nothing. Eventually she regained her ability to think and returned to feeling her body move under her own power.
She saw Will out about 100 meters away standing on something, must have been a rock under the surface. She made her way there with her head above the water now. The water bugs skipped across the surface ahead of her. Every crater on the moon seemed visible. As she approached the rock, Will held out his hand and helped her up. The air wasn’t as cold as it should have been. The beauty of the night was breathtaking. Stars dotted the entire sky. There wasn’t a sound in the air. The cold of the water had calmed Rose. She understood that that was the intention all along. They were face to face on a small rock in the middle of a lake surrounded by darkness. If she wasn’t so petrified, Rose would have laughed wickedly at the ridiculously too obvious metaphor.
Will took her hands in his and met her eyes for the first time in a few hours.
“Look, I don’t know many things at all but I do know this: I cannot hurt you. If I have a handful of things to be proud of when I meet my maker, one of them has to be that I never ever caused you pain. I’ll call you out on shit and tell you you’re being an ass, but your heart and soul will always be protected. You need to know that. You can do with that information whatever you want, but you need to know it.”
It all welled to the surface, all of it. Most of if he had no knowledge of, no involvement in, and, some would say, absolutely no right to, but it came anyway. Rose fell into his chest and wrapped her arms around him and the tears flowed heavy. She was so thankful to be in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by water. It all made perfect sense in a way that was beautifully unexpected. She was in awe of his strength and knowledge and surrendered into all of her beauty and softness without risk. Her fear and anger were replaced by the deepest of gratitude and love. In time, her breath slowed once again and she lifted her head.
“Thank you Will.”
“We got this.”
“Yeah, we do.”
And with that he made a half howl, half scream and jumped into the water and made his way back to shore. Rose laughed, turned around to take one last look at the moon from this place, and then jumped in herself.
By the time she got to shore a fire was lit and she raced to the pile of blankets as the awareness of the cold finally came flooding into every part of her. They spent the next couple of hours talking about their friends who they’d left back at the house, their lovers who were at their homes and firmly tethered to their hearts, and what they wanted out of the life they had left. The moon watched the whole time and water surrounding them absorbed it all.
Find you, feel you, be you, do something.
