Don’t tell me not to.

There’s been a lot of talk about balance for the last few years.

Everyone is seeking that elusive “work-life” balance.  Everyone is recommending that others seek it too, if not demanding that they do.

I’m not sure there is any magic in balance.

I’ve never come home from a day where I sort of did good things at work for a bit, and sort of did a good job parenting and wife-ing, and took the dog for a short walk and had a so-so cup of tea after an easy 8k run and said, “wow, I fucking rocked it today!”.  Nope.

What days do you remember most?  Not those ones.

I’m not saying that those days aren’t beautiful and necessary and that we should live our lives in constant stress or urgency and that each day should involve at least one adrenaline rush.  But what I am saying is that stress and busy and extreme are not four letter words.  People who thrive on those things are not broken or misguided.  There is no need to look at them and “tsk”.  I would argue instead, that those people are healthy and thriving.  They are seeking their magic and often finding it.

There is a big difference between seeking episodic extremes and living in chronic low level stress.  Chronic low level stress, no matter how you find yourself in it, is crippling and stifles your ability to seek your extremes or weather the ones that life throws at you.  Many, many people are waging this war and it is an extremely difficult one to win, especially by yourself.  There are ways to win if you can find the ones that work for you and persevere.  Sadly, I don’t pretend to know the answers here but I tip my hat to you if this is the battle that you find yourself fighting.  Please don’t fight it on your own.

However, I also tip my hat to those out there who search out the stress or extremes.  This is ok too.  You may not understand why they do it or want to do it yourself, but please, do not tell them not to do it.  They have a different fire within them that needs this and that’s ok.  They likely have seasons in their life where they sit back and sip tea and cuddle on the couch, but in between those, they may push themselves hard, go to extremes, and just see what lies beyond them.  Let’s support that.

Let’s rethink “stress”.  Let’s even welcome it.  Let’s not use the words busy and stress and extreme in a negative way, let’s celebrate them.  They are often our choice after all.  If we are eating nourishing foods, sleeping, moving outside, sitting in stillness, and sipping tea then we are prepared for them.  We can embrace and relish when they come as it marks an opportunity to grow and learn and see something new on the other side.

Yes, you need to know when to hold back, you need to be able to see when your episodic stresses are starting to morph into one big chronic messy one.  But if you find yourself thriving on stress, wanting to push harder than others, then go ahead, go do it.  Don’t worry about balance.  Go find your magic.