Posted on

Motherhood

“I think that I have imbued in my children, from a very young age, a sense of confidence in their own abilities.  That is the only way I can explain how they have all managed to survive the turbulent circumstances of their childhood without irreparable trauma.  I was an optimist, always believing they would adjust to the world around them and appreciate it in their own way.  I tried to be sincere, to never underestimate their intelligence, to trust that one day they would have the wisdom to understand the complicated circumstances of our lives.  I firmly believed they would develop the ability to be happy and that they wouldn’t think their happiness depended solely on me.  Otherwise, I would have never considered motherhood compatible with the kind of life I led. ”   ~ Gioconda Belli

For some reason, this paragraph struck me.

“I would have never considered motherhood compatible with the kind of life I led” ….

I have many a time wondered, if I am compatible with motherhood.  I do not consider myself a “natural”.  Big heart, yes.  Maternal at times, yes.  But never have I sat on the floor and played amongst toys with my girls.  I roll my eyes and whine over school projects we have to do.  I don’t relish the thought of coming up with this year’s Hallowe’en costume.  I forgot to get baskets at Easter this year.  Never have we hosted a birthday party.  My job leads me to miss bedtimes and breakfasts and parent teacher interviews.

These misgivings can plague my woman mind at times.  How are their tiny minds being twisted?  Then I look at them and I see the amazing creatures that they are.  Somehow they have become mini reflections of all the good I think I have in me and none of the bad.  They are five and eight and can execute sharp sarcasm like few I know (ahem, yes, I consider this “good”!).  They know what it is to be kind, they are learning how to respect things and places and people, they are exquisitely curious, they cherish hugs and give them with sincerity.  There is always song.  There is an earnest effort in all endeavours.  There is no hate.

Frankly, the gem of the man I married is probably mostly to thank for this, but at least I haven’t screwed his efforts up.  Motherhood can cause you to reflect on and question your every move like nothing I’ve ever experienced.  It is petrifying but also exhilarating.  If you’ve not yet tried it, considered yourself warned.  If you’re in it, trust me, you’re doing it right.

 

Posted on

SWELL 7 – well obviously! … it’s EARTH DAY!

There are not many eyes who will read these words, there are not many heads who will hear my pleas, there are even fewer hearts who will feel what I feel.

But if you happen to to see, or hear, or feel … then take a jump in and ride the swell with me.

See you on shore.

http://www.greenpeace.org/canada/en/volunteers/

https://act.greenpeace.org/page/7723/donate/1?utm_campaign=general&utm_source=planet3&utm_medium=text%20link&utm_content=getinvolvedpage_en&ea.tracking.id=20170614-general-p3-link-getinvolvedpage-en

 

Posted on

On being Shy and Listening

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/tara-brach/e/54089886

I listened to this as I ran around the lake today.  Loved it.

From just about as early as I can remember people have called me “shy”.  This generally made me furious.  I can’t possibly convey how irritating the statement “so, you are pretty shy, eh?” or the statement “you don’t talk much, eh?” was.  Seriously, how does one respond?  You can do better people.  However, the statements recurred and recurred, and my head just kept nodding and nodding, mhm, indeed, yes, I am shy.  Right.  (Of note, my husband never once alluded to this feature of mine, I believe this is one of the top 3 reasons I married him.)

And from just about an equally early age, I had a pretty sound idea of why I was “shy”.  My perception was, often when I did share my thoughts, people didn’t really listen.  They actually didn’t hear at all, not even close.  So why bother really.  Talking can be exhausting for us “shy” folk, words are not to be wasted, breath is not a renewable resource.  So better to let your conversation partner carry on, keep the sharing to a minimum.  This didn’t come from a place of poor self confidence on my part – in fact, I’ve been quite lucky, I think, to have been strong and secure from the get go (thank you parents).  I was pretty sure I had some awesome things to say.  And I don’t think this came from a place of disrespect or maliciousness at all on the part of others – it just seemed to be a fact of life that people didn’t really listen to each other.  It seemed most were totally ok with that.  Everyone was happy to just talk over each other as opposed to to each other.  I was never really a fan of this approach, so, I kept quiet in the mix of it all.

I love sharing though.  A great percentage of people in my life would challenge this statement, but no, it’s true.  My problem is, however, I am quick to recoil from the superficial, or what I perceive to be.  Herein lies the conundrum my friends, as you see small talk generally needs to precede big talk.  And this is what the podcast was a great reminder of:  there are always at least two sides to everything, every perception.  How many conversations have I missed out on because I backed out early, I didn’t hang in there, didn’t let the small lead to the big?  In being frustrated with and focused on not being heard, was I, in fact, not listening?

This is a shame, because I also love listening.  As a young kid, I would sit at my parents’ dinner party tables and just listen to the conversations around the table.  I could do it for hours, I still could.  I spent many a year in post secondary education because I love a good lecture.  I went into Family Medicine as a career as my husband told me, one sunny day as we were walking beside the water debating whether I should choose ER or family practice, that “I’d be a good ER doc, but I’d be a great Family doc.”  I’d like to think he too saw that I could listen and that that was something I had to offer.  I listen, not only with my ears, every day in my office now.  But, I think, in the hustle of life I’ve strayed from listening so well in other spaces.  I’m thinking I’ll now try to find my way back to that.

So, have a listen to Tara and all the wisdom she has to share in this podcast.  It is truly beautiful.  Then carry on and keep at it, wherever you go next.

 

Posted on

Sit with Us – April 7 2018

I’m watching you …

See that little print button at the bottom of the screen … click it.  Now take your paper … put it on the fridge.  Now, are you barefoot?  Do you have music on?  Good job.

[table id=12 /]

Posted on

“Discomfort is the price of admission.” – S David

I heard an expression this week that might be one of the best I’ve heard in a long time: the “tyranny of positivity”.

http://www.richroll.com/podcast/susan-david-356/

I laughed out loud and breathed a huge sigh of relief when I heard it.  “YES, thank YOU!”  I literally said out loud as I ran along.

Travel in certain circles (generally, privileged, well-off circles) these days and you start to feel like you are being beat over the head repeatedly with a few messages: be true to you, embrace your trauma and let it guide you, find what makes you happy and chase it, be open to the world around you and all the opportunities it presents.  These are fantastic messages, however, the kicker is is that you are supposed to do all of this while being happy and bright and shiny.  Lord help us if you do it with a dash of cynicism, frustration, or melancholy.  Don’t you dare feel sadness over things that have happened or, even worse, anger.  No, you best just jump from joyous lily pad to enlightened lily pad without a speck of disdain or concern.

This, my friends, is not real life.  Nor, might I dare to argue, is it healthy life.

I loved what Susan David had to say.  Essentially, and of course, there are NO bad emotions.  You are supposed to feel a spectrum of emotions.  This is healthy.  This is fantastic.  This should be wallowed in and embraced.  If your 5 year old is melting down because her doll is too doll-like, that is OK.  Hug her, hold her, hear her out.  Please do not immediately redirect her and teach her that sadness is something to fear or quickly bounce away from.  How about teaching her to actually feel it and then maybe talk about it, explore it, and perhaps then might she learn how to overcome it.  If your office mate is a little subdued today, that’s ok, that is OK.  There is no need to try to pump them up or overcompensate or judge or begrudge.  Just let them be.  Give them space.  Emotions, feeling, moods; these are all transient things.  If you let them, they will pass, both the good ones and the bad.  That is what makes this life rich and what makes us human.  If Mother Nature has decided today is going to grey and foggy and wet, well so be it.  It makes for great quiet contemplation.  You can’t change the weather and a spectrum of weather is necessary for abundance.  It won’t be grey every day.

Believe me, I am an emotion sponge, I often think it would be way easier if everyone just simmered down, evened out and quit being so damn up or so bloody down.  I suck it all in and it is exhausting for Pete’s sake.  (Thank you world for the olympics and those freaking mom commercials being over with!) But of course, I don’t mean it, because often what precedes the exhaustion is exhilaration.  Feeling, no matter what the feeling, is what it is all about.  Don’t be so quick to judge good vs bad.

More excellent things to ponder:

https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage

Also:

http://www.richroll.com/podcast/light-watkins-357/

I really recommend watching this podcast, not just listening.  This is of a different topic but I LOVE the idea he shares that our “minds” are just speakers for what is going on in our “bodies”.

And, if we are keeping it simple, in the words of one of my favourite Toves …

“i’m borderline happy and i’m borderline bad.  i’m borderline good and i’m borderline bad”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ElPmKz6AB0

 

Cheers, bitches 😉