\ am-ˈbi-shən : an ardent desire for rank, fame, or power
Ambition, ambition, ambition.
Good, bad? Useful, not? Attribute, shortcoming? Stepping stone, hurdle?
At a certain point, getting stops feeling like the way home and starts feeling like a distraction from the ultimate destination.
I suppose the privileged are only the ones having this daydream.
I suppose maybe just the privileged with their eyes open.
Either way, I’ve been called ambitious. It was once, and it was with spite. I’ve thought of myself as ambitious, with pride, but now with ambivalence. For the last few weeks I’ve contemplated this word often, turned it over and over in my head. Do I want it or not? At first I decided not, but then I decided against that. I do have ambition, I do have drive, but not for what you think. And not for what I thought anymore. I want so much more but not of anything that has a price tag. Nothing that has a title. Nothing that you can give me.
The trouble is, taking this tact will make me hard to beat. If I want nothing from you, it’s hard for anything to be held ransom. It’s hard to make me flinch. So while I’m over here figuring out just exactly it is what I want, I’d watch out.