“We’re in awe of no one
We’ve none of their fear
Fighting’s goin’ nowhere and we stay right here
Where’s everything is quiet
A little super dangerous
In the shadow of the law and with colours of justice”
– Downie
Who am I and what do I do in this space?
This evolves.
At the beginning, it was a naive attempt at a movement. A movement of those who thought like me, my kin. A movement that could expand and influence, that could swell. Now, I see the folly. Here in the summer heat of 2020, there is an understanding that what is needed first, is a great dialing back. Step 1 understand just what, exactly, it is that I am ‘selling’. And, frankly, I don’t even know what Steps 2 through 3 may be.
Born in the late 70s, first girl, focused on the gold star, generally content to be just content and nice and skirt certain attention, and then many years later a wife, mom, and family doctor in Victoria, BC; for forty or so years, I thought that was my story. In its entirety.
What you will find here, in this space at this time, is me beginning to know that that, actually, that is not quite it at all. That there is something else out there waiting to be unearthed. Something that looks like glittering prism dust, hanging in the summer air and that sounds like melody, harmony, story-telling and flight.
I very often wonder if I should keep this excavation out of others’ view. I wonder if laying it out here damages the process when adulation doesn’t follow posts. I wonder if it proves a hungry ego, in-authenticity, or just a flippant hobby. But, in the end, I’ve decided that here it must go. Here it must unwind. Because maybe you too are trying to solve your own mystery and my circular ramblings help fan the flame. Because maybe you too have worn a chosen costume thus far but it is feeling itchy and stiff. And really, if at worst, you and I, my loyal lone journeyer, only accomplish a shameless haphazard wander into oblivion, well then, what a glorious time capsule we will leave. In our opinion, that is, of course.
xo J
“The only way you can write the truth is to assume that what you set down will never be read. Not by any other person, and not even by yourself at some later date. Otherwise you begin excusing yourself. You must see the writing as emerging like a long scroll of ink from the index finger of your right hand; you must see your left hand erasing it.”
– Atwood
(NB: a woman can only accomplish so much, site much more divine on desktop vs mobile)